Gah.

Didn't make cookies, should have.

Worked until 1:30 am.

Got up at 7:30 am.

Made a mess of my presentation.  No applause.

Other presentations got applause.

Spent rest of day alone in office, in locked, dark and cold lab.

Home now.  Get to eat (they did fix my big burner, finally), and then homework.

Gah.

It's been awhile

I've been a little busy.  Grad school is just as hectic this semester. 

Tonight I have to finish my presentation on the Molasses Reef and Highborn Cay shipwrecks.  And I'm baking chocolate mint cookies to make everyone love me.  Yes, I'm shamelessly bribing my classmates.  I don't want to do anything though, I'm so damn tired.

I am also apartment hunting.  The big burner - the ONLY big burner - on my stove is out and although I've sent in three maintenance requests about it (the first two were about it not working properly, the last one was about it completely breaking - I can press my hand flat on it, and it'll be stone cold AFTER being turned on high for 5 minutes) and an email about it.  I've had enough.  This is bull.

My outside light is finally fixed, and I can occasionally coax some warm water out of my shower after running it for 10-15 minutes first, so that is at least helpful.

But being on a diet is cruddy enough without not having a big burner on my stove, rendering me unable to make stir-fry, curry, or pretty much anything.  I'm roasting a batch of brats right now and will microwave them over the course of the week, praying the burner will be fixed sometime and I can cook again.

Oven is smoking again.  Guess I need to open my front window.  There.  I have started turning on my fan and placing it directly below my smoke alarm every time I cook, and I have been spared more evil shrieks, thank goodness.  It's still irritating as all get out though.  The noise from fans drives me nuts, particularly the ungodly loud one over the stove.

The weather is also being irritating.  It snowed Thursday night and it's supposed to snow again Tuesday GAH!

It sucks.

Oh well should get back to work.  Yay, grad school.

From my couch

I am sick AGAIN. 

So I had a lovely birthday at home (fantastic dinner at the Ravenous Pig that evening), had a wonderful last Sunday with an afternoon braai and a good book, and left Orlando early Monday morning.  Spent nearly 11 hours on the road (for a 9 hour 30 minute drive) and went straight to Cochon (apparently this means pig) and had a LOVELY dinner of rabbit and dumplings.

For the record, my last day in Orlando was 84F.  When I parked my car in New Orleans and walked the two blocks to Cochon, it was 28F, plus windchill.  (When I got to College Station it was 46F.)  Then I went to my motel and curled up in bed and tried to ignore the people thumping and bumping upstairs (I swear it sounded like they were practicing for the circus). 

Next morning I woke up at 7 am on the dot, and was on the road at 7:40 am.  It took me nearly half an hour to get gasoline and I liberally cursed everyone and their antecedents for parking in front of all the gas pumps AND THEN LEAVING THEIR CARS ALONE.  I had to stop for McDonald's for lunch because it was pretty much my only option for where I was (it was attached to a gas station that did indeed turn out to be the last one for miles) and the bloody woman wouldn't give me my water cup for about five minutes after I'd gotten my food.  REALLY? 

Then my GPS took me through all these backroads, which did save me 70 miles or so, but getting constantly stuck behind horse trailers, having to go from 75 mph to 0 mph for sundry red lights or morons, and having a sheriff tail me for nearly 20 minutes nearly gave me a nervous breakdown and I nearly cried when I finally pulled into my apartment complex at 3 pm Tuesday afternoon.

By 4 pm all my stuff was upstairs and I'd set up my TV (hooray!)

Then I went to Wal Mart (towels and hangers) and Target (just looked at the DVD players) and HEB (got my groceries for the week).

Came home, put everything away, made dinner

(sigh...I am going to miss carbs - although even though I'm giving up bread, rice and potatoes, I'm keeping my pasta dammit!)

and then I settled down to a nice evening watching tv.  I looked on Amazon at DVD players and after a phone call home, I went back to Target and bought a Philips DVD player (and my tv is a Philips too lol - I swear that wasn't intentional) and managed to get my tv set up on the cable (I originally hadn't realized I would need to reprogram the cable, the way it scanned originally the first time we turned it on), and use the red/yellow/white cords to attach my DVD player.  Then I went on Amazon and ordered an HDMI cable (for a faster, clearer, better picture) for the DVD player and the first season of Allo Allo (this is all thanks to my aunts and uncle who gave me Amazon and Target gift cards...definitely couldn't have done this without their generosity!) which should arrive sometime today.

Wednesday I woke up at 7 but felt pretty cruddy and it was nearly 10:30 by the time I got to campus.  I stayed in lab until 4:30 and came home, and spent my evening eating, reading, and watching my awesome new tv.

I went to bed at 11:30 (very early for me) and woke up at 7 am SICK AS A DOG.  Snot was bubbling like a witch's cauldron...you don't want to know the details.  I stayed in bed for two hours, hoping it would pass off, which it did not.  So I got up, brushed my teeth, washed my face, removed my pillow and comforter to the couch and attempted to boil some water for a cup of noodles.  40 minutes later, after some cursing and freaking out, I moved the frying pan to the smaller burner, where it finally heated the water and I could make my noodles and tea.

I have sent in a maintenance request, but considering not only is my water in the shower still cold (even after I run it for 20 minutes) and the light over my front door (outside) still out, when I sent in those requests TWO WEEKS ago, I think I might be screwed.  These people don't seem to want me to renew my damn lease.  I'm too sick to go apartment hunting right now.  Maybe in a few days.

I feel like I should be working from home but I just feel too awful.  I need to get better so I can go in tomorrow.  So I think I'll take today easy.  Hope it works.

Think it might be time for more tea...good thing Mom gave me a box before I left!

Yum!

Decided to write down as many positive things as I can each day (this is not a resolution...people break those...lol) to help me see things in a positive light.

So today I got to sleep in (yay!), woke up feeling healthy (this is good because I got carsick on the way home last night.  I was NOT driving - it was just because I was in the back seat.  I wish I had grown out of carsickness!!), I went for a nice peaceful walk (unmolested by any bears), went grocery shopping with my mom (this might sound strange, but I miss it a lot when I'm not home), and got to spend the afternoon snuggled up with a box of licorice allsorts and a book (if you don't love candy and a book...then I just can't help you).

Right now I'm watching a football game, which is good, but I'm feeling slightly ill after dinner.  We had short ribs which are DELICIOUS, but it's so fatty I feel a little sick (I guess I really HAVE reduced fat in my own diet - another good thing?), so I'm letting my stomach relax before calling it a good thing.

Rather feeling like finding another book, but it's difficult for me to read with football on, and I got so little football this season...oh decisions!

My New Years' Resolutions

My preliminary resolution is to write down all my resolutions, since I can't remember what my resolutions were last year with the exception of "swear less" and I think I've managed SOME improvement there.

1. Most important resolution is to take better care of myself.  This past semester I've been sick constantly, headaches all over the place, and even now that I've been asleep for a week, I have a nasty ear infection and a lingering sore head.  So I need to find where I put my new glasses prescription so I can get a pair when I go back to Texas...

2. Improve my appearance.  This actually plays into resolution #1, because all of my friends (including my friends in med school) are concerned with how badly my body has been reacting to grad school stress, and have all roundly informed me working on my novels is NOT in fact a proper break from work.  Therefore, spending extra time blow-drying my hair, keeping my nails healthy, and moisturizing my poor, chapped skin is not only going to improve my appearance but also constitute an actual daily mental break from the grind.

3. Go to the damn gym. (See resolutions 1 and 2.)  I actually miss going to the gym like crazy, but last semester was a weed-out semester and I'm still feeling the aftereffects...there was no way I could've managed the gym on top of everything else I was doing.  This semester, I'm going to make time.  Somehow.   

4. Severely reduce bread and rice intake.  I'm going to stop making homemade bread (sigh) and cut back on rice as completely as possible INCLUDING when I eat out.  (Triple sigh.)  I refuse to give up pasta though, because it's in the Geneva Convention on Torture that stopping someone from giving up all three of the Golden Triad of Carbohydrate Deliciousness renders them mentally unstable and not responsible for their actions thereafter.

5. Stop reading the comments.  The comments always suck.  They're always bitter, unkind people who think "trolling" is okay because "it's just the internet".  Since I can't wave a magic wand and make their hateful words stick to themselves in the real world to teach them a lesson about the pervasiveness of hatred and negativity, I will simply stop reading the comments.  After all, all a troll wants is an audience right?

6. Stop swearing.  (This is a long-term process, I'm okay with that.)

7. Try to watch a movie (a new one?) every week.  I have 127 movies on my Netflix queue right now.  You think I'm joking.  In addition to that, I have nearly 40 movies on DVD that I've never watched.  I have to start chipping away at the mountain!

8. Floss more carefully.  Today I went to the dentist and came out with ZERO CAVITIES for the first time in YEARS.  I attribute this to two things: adopting the rather disgusting habit of flossing while I watch late-night tv, and giving up candy almost entirely.  My dentist said I've been doing a good job but there are a couple molars that I need to floss more deeply on (I have a small mouth and big hands) so I'm going to try and focus on those.

9. Write my novels every chance I get.  (And continue to try and get them published.)  I don't know how much time I'll have...but I'll give what I can.

10. Enjoy grad school as much as possible.  Grad school SUCKS, just so you know.  You're tired, overworked, paid just enough so you can ALMOST scrape by with your parents' help, constantly applying for grants and fellowships and gnawing off your fingernails waiting to hear back (or not), you can't even READ papers because all you do is skim them for vital facts and citations before moving on to the next one...trust me, I could go on.  But there are good things.  I love my classmates, and my professors, and I love learning everything I'm learning and the incredible opportunities that can come my way if I just work hard enough to get travel funding for them.  So I'm going to try and cling to the positive bits and push through the negative bits.

What would I give for the entire universe?

When I woke up this morning I was feeling pretty bummed out, so I pulled up my Youtube app and watched Neil deGrasse Tyson's "We Stopped Dreaming" video - which I realize sounds like a strange way of cheering oneself up, as it's all about how society is failing science and technology, but it really makes me feel energized and like I could do something with my life.

Right at the end Neil deGrasse Tyson asks, "How much would you pay for the universe?" and I've never really had an answer, but this morning, I said out loud, "My life."

Not that I think I should sacrifice myself on a public altar; not that I think that sort of action or protest would further the cause.  But I think I should - that a lot of us should - dedicate our lives to the universe.  To science, to technology, to our future.  I already am on that road, let's face it, how many 25 year old girls get to spend their days in a lab with an XRF, analyzing the elemental composition of artifacts from shipwrecks?  I'm guessing it's not a lot.  In fact, I'm guessing the percent total of scientists vs the percent total of hairdressers is not going to be a staggering number either.

Not that I'm hating on hairdressers.  We need them.  We need hairdressers, and construction workers, and auto mechanics and the million and one jobs - people - necessary to keep our world turning.  I think what we also need to do is stop pushing everyone and their brother into college when they don't want or need it.  It's just making higher education ridiculously expensive, it's making huge classes the norm, it's turning colleges into numbers machines instead of havens for learning, experimenting, pushing the envelope.  (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/educationnews/7332452/The-university-professor-who-stood-up-against-dumbing-down-of-degrees.html) Even in my field, it's all about how much you publish, not what you publish. (http://www.theguardian.com/science/2013/dec/06/peter-higgs-boson-academic-system)

We need to stop treating teachers like losers.  We need to publicly destroy the phrase "those who can't do, teach".  We need to start respecting education for what it is (a process) and not for what it can get for us (an endgame).  We need to stop training children out of asking "why" even if it IS annoying when you're trying to cook dinner after a 9 hour workday and two hour commute.  Children are not there to serve our interests; we're here to serve theirs.

And we need to make the universe our priority.  All of it.  After all, we are the most infinitesimal grain of sand on a celestial beach.  With so much out there, why do we keep dismissing it, cutting funding for it, and claiming it's more important to "trickle down" than venture out?

Let's go back to the moon.  Let's go to Mars.  Hell, let's go to Pluto!  (Sorry Dr. Tyson, it will always be a planet to me.)  Let's make "why" and "why not" the two most asked questions in the world. 

Above all...let us have fun doing it.  After all, what is more fun than dreaming great dreams?  Or achieving them?

Final stretch

Well I'm getting closer to Armageddon.  Exam 8 am Wednesday morning (gaaaah I hate getting up at 6 am!!), and I've been trying to study.

Spent the weekend in bed with a sick headache, only getting out of it to lie on the couch and go grocery shopping.

Today I had another bad headache but dragged myself to Big Lots since I was out of toilet paper and kitchen paper.  That cost $10, and I spent $1 on an extra box of tissues and $3 on some rather ugly stove burner covers that will hopefully prevent stuff from falling into my stove and forcing me to clean it up.  The only thing I hate more than scrubbing the inside of a stove-top is scrubbing a floor.  I hate cleaning the bathroom so much it doesn't register on the scale.

It occurred to me today, as I was trying to force the fact that 3-masted carracks appeared in Northern Europe in 1450 AD into my brain, that if I do cave and get cookie-cutters one day in the future, I will ALSO need a rolling pin.  And I really need a sieve before I get either of those things.  Growing up is a real pain in the ass.

I've been trying to plan meals so that everything perishable in my minifridge will be eaten by the time I leave.  I'll fill my tupperwares with water and shove them in there to keep my energy costs down.  Did I mention that growing up is a real pain in the ass?

My dad just learned his whole department might get outsourced to India (I'm not even joking) so he's considering (if it happens) packing up the whole house, moving to the Northwest coast, and renting out our house.  I feel like that would be highly preferable to him selling it (I love that house, and really want to buy it from him one day if I find work that will let me settle in that area), but I hate the idea of my family being so far away.  One of the nicest parts of College Station is that it's only a 15 hour drive from my parents' place, so I could get there in a day if an emergency happened - and New Orleans is the natural stopping point between the two, so I get lovely food whenever I go home or come back to college.

Let's hope his company reconsiders.  I don't think he really wants to live in the Northwest...he loves clear blue skies and warm weather just as much as I do.  Mom is the one who likes chilly air and four seasons.  Still, it's all conjecture right now.  I have enough trouble without borrowing more.  Time to scrabble together some dinner and then back to studying.  Woohooo....