This past week has not been good. I still don't know if I can get into GEOG585 - although I am hoping for news tomorrow - I lost part of one of my favorite navel rings, and I also found out that Dr. Lipo hired someone else for my (former) position.
I was shocked to discover this, all the more so because at the end of last semester he told me to "keep your keys for the fall" which made me assume that I would have my job back. I wish he had said so explicitly earlier, because I had a chance at a decent job earlier this summer that is now closed, which I didn't even interview for because I thought I didn't need it.
Luckily I already have an interview scheduled for this Friday for - get this - a security position at a museum. When I told Dad he asked me how my kung-fu was! It would only be 12-15 hours a week (and on weekends, which sucks) so I'd still need a second job. Tomorrow before class I'm going to skip swimming and go job-hunting.
Speaking of swimming, today I was trying to relax in the pool, doing leisurely laps of breast stroke when I realized an old man was peering through the holes in the fence at me. I said loudly and clearly, "I can see you, please stop staring at me!"
He moved away but a minute later I saw him peering through another hole so I said again, "I can still see you, please go away!" This performance repeated a few times and I was starting to wonder if he spoke no English (which is totally possible in this area) or if he were senile, when he seemed to disappear.
I relaxed a little and continued doing my laps, but then a minute later I saw a flash of his white shirt through a different hole that was partially blocked by a large palm tree. That did it. If he knew enough to try and hide, then he knew he was making me uncomfortable AND that he had no right to ogle me like that.
I got out of the pool, wrapped myself tightly in my large beach towel, gathered my belongings and came up to my apartment. I'm now showered and dinner is in the oven but I'm still upset. I was having such a lovely swim, my knee wasn't hurting, the sun was out casting gorgeous afternoon light everywhere and making little rainbow rills in the pool. And then that horrid old man had to go spoil it. I don't know if I'll ever feel comfortable in the pool again, but what can I do? I doubt the police department has the time or manpower to watch the pool for creepers (especially with all these budget cuts) and I don't think my landlord could exactly do anything either.
I wish there were laws against Peeping Toms. What the punishment would be, I'm not quite sure, but there should be some. Why should I have to hide in my apartment away from dirty old men? Haven't I just as much right as anyone to be in a pool my rent pays for? Shouldn't I be able to walk down the street without wishing I were wearing a burqa to stop them LOOKING at me?
I'm feeling exceptionally down. Mom encourages me and tells me to just find an agent for Rebecca, and try and sell both it and Night Toll (which I intend to do), and also says not to worry and she'll manage to cover my rent if I can't. But I have to - not just cover my rent, but my bills. And earn some extra money for things like Swiffer wet cloths, and new candles when mine burn out, and maybe even some sushi now and again.
And I MUST graduate this spring. I can't stand this betwixt-and-between state, where I'm a grad student but I have to take two jobs just to survive. Real grad students have stipends that allow them to pay rent and bills and get some cheap beer. Speaking of, I'll have to start the application process soon and that'll cost more money again. Well, I'll just have to use my loan money for that. Loan money is for educational purposes, and what is applying to grad school if not educational?
At least the Gators won this Saturday. Maybe they'll have a good football season and be a small space once a week when I can be happy and forget my cares. I try to escape in books, but I have less and less time to read for pleasure, and come Saturday I don't feel like reading anything anymore unless I absolutely have to.
I think I'll go lie down until dinner. I'm having TWO roast potatoes - one with what's left of my sour cream and cheese, and one with butter.
Diet? What diet?
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