I'm done.
Not with work, or the million things I have to do, or the ten million things I want to do. Today, I'm just done.
I've been good - I got up in time, made breakfast from scratch, prepped my lunch, biked to work, got here and got everything ready in plenty of time for the noon opening. And now I've been doing some freelance stuff because I'm broke and need the extra cash...but I'm tired. I don't want to work anymore, and I resent that I have to work two freelance gigs on top of my day job to pay the bills.
I just want to sit here, keep one eye on the monitors, and daydream about impossible things; winning the lotto, spending a month in Naples, driving an Alfa Romeo down the Amalfi drive, seeing Carnivale in Brazil, the northern lights in Alaska, Incan pyramids and Egyptian ones, to dive for pearls in Hawaii and trek to the North Pole in their summer.
But what I should do is work, or I won't have a chance of making *any* of that become reality. Blah. How I hate growing up!
Sunday, October 23, 2016
Saturday, October 22, 2016
Saturday Blues
It's pretty pathetic how brain chemistry can ruin a perfectly good day.
I woke up late, made an omelet for breakfast, went grocery shopping, came home and did laundry, had lunch, cleaned the whole apartment, cleaned a bunch of candleholders, went to the shops again, fixed a stained costume, made dinner, and carved a pumpkin.
And I still feel like shit.
I woke up late, made an omelet for breakfast, went grocery shopping, came home and did laundry, had lunch, cleaned the whole apartment, cleaned a bunch of candleholders, went to the shops again, fixed a stained costume, made dinner, and carved a pumpkin.
And I still feel like shit.
Thursday, October 13, 2016
The Next Peak
If you are ever so minded, you should read L. M. Montgomery's "Emily" series. The first is "Emily of New Moon", the second "Emily Climbs" and the final book is "Emily's Quest".
I've read them all so often I can't remember where any of them ends and begins (except perhaps for the first beginning and the final ending), but a recurring theme is that as she grows as a young woman and as a writer she reaches peak after peak on the "Alpine Path". The Alpine Path is basically a dreamscape where with every achievement and her growing mastery of her art she has climbed a new level and gets to walk along a plateau for a bit before having to struggle upwards to the next peak. She observes that you can never reach the top, but when you crest a plateau you get a wonderful feeling of achievement and exhilaration that helps you onward and upward during the hard times.
Today I got an email. That's not the exciting part; I probably get well over 100 emails daily (it drives me insane!) and while probably 80 of them I get to delete, 10 I have to read and the last 10 require I do yet more work on something or other. No, the exciting part is that today, among emails about university clubs, semester progress reports, sales at Target, and cheap Texan health insurance, I got an email saying I've been accepted as a sportswriter for Planet Benfica.
And may I say, the view from this peak is glorious.
I've read them all so often I can't remember where any of them ends and begins (except perhaps for the first beginning and the final ending), but a recurring theme is that as she grows as a young woman and as a writer she reaches peak after peak on the "Alpine Path". The Alpine Path is basically a dreamscape where with every achievement and her growing mastery of her art she has climbed a new level and gets to walk along a plateau for a bit before having to struggle upwards to the next peak. She observes that you can never reach the top, but when you crest a plateau you get a wonderful feeling of achievement and exhilaration that helps you onward and upward during the hard times.
Today I got an email. That's not the exciting part; I probably get well over 100 emails daily (it drives me insane!) and while probably 80 of them I get to delete, 10 I have to read and the last 10 require I do yet more work on something or other. No, the exciting part is that today, among emails about university clubs, semester progress reports, sales at Target, and cheap Texan health insurance, I got an email saying I've been accepted as a sportswriter for Planet Benfica.
And may I say, the view from this peak is glorious.
Tuesday, October 11, 2016
Minor Set Back
I was doing so well with my blogs and then I got bronchitis - not that I knew that at the time! - and it all went to hell.
I finally gave in and went to the doctor on Friday after three weeks of coughing and hurting and generally suffering and she pretty much took one look at me, listened to me breathe for five seconds and said, "Bronchitis." Gave me scripts for prednisone and antibiotics and told me to pick up some Mucinex DM, to take all my prescribed medicine or else, and if I was still shitty a week or so after finishing them I could make another appointment.
I finished the antibiotics today, finish the prednisone tomorrow, and guess I should remember to take my damn Mucinex twice a day instead of once. I still feel like shit. In fact, I almost feel worse than I did when I first got sick, minus the fever and headache. I don't know if it's the drugs or what, but she warned me there would be nasty side effects and holy smoke she wasn't kidding. Been shaky and exhausted and definitely got the paranoia one hardcore.
Went to RenFest on Sunday, and although I was very good and only had one beer, sat down and rested frequently, kept in the shade as much as possible, and drank 7 bottles of water, I was completely knackered by the time I got home (after sleeping in!) and spent all Sunday night and most of Monday on the couch, half-asleep in a bronchitis-induced stupor. Yesterday the only things I really accomplished were cooking the week's meals, going for a walk, and having a shower!
Today I've gotten some important things done, and hope to do more this evening. But I at least have enough wisdom now to stop and rest when I start shaking or feeling like hell. The harder I push at those low-energy moments, the longer I'm going to feel awful.
I kind of wish I'd stayed home today too, but I need the $$, and this job is not physically taxing, and sitting quietly in class and taking notes shouldn't kill me either. (...shouldn't...) Thankfully, all my work can be done on the sofa with my laptop, and at the most, with a few extra books lying around me. PLUS I have enough prepped food to last me all week, so that's one big stress-er off my back.
I keep telling myself it's smart to do the slowly-but-surely thing now. Let my body relax. I have to go to Houston on Friday and that'll be tiring, and I work all Saturday, but at least work is not physically taxing like I said earlier. And this Sunday I am going to lie on that couch like I'm a Victorian woman with smelling salts clutched in her feeble hand.
Because I bloody well can!
I finally gave in and went to the doctor on Friday after three weeks of coughing and hurting and generally suffering and she pretty much took one look at me, listened to me breathe for five seconds and said, "Bronchitis." Gave me scripts for prednisone and antibiotics and told me to pick up some Mucinex DM, to take all my prescribed medicine or else, and if I was still shitty a week or so after finishing them I could make another appointment.
I finished the antibiotics today, finish the prednisone tomorrow, and guess I should remember to take my damn Mucinex twice a day instead of once. I still feel like shit. In fact, I almost feel worse than I did when I first got sick, minus the fever and headache. I don't know if it's the drugs or what, but she warned me there would be nasty side effects and holy smoke she wasn't kidding. Been shaky and exhausted and definitely got the paranoia one hardcore.
Went to RenFest on Sunday, and although I was very good and only had one beer, sat down and rested frequently, kept in the shade as much as possible, and drank 7 bottles of water, I was completely knackered by the time I got home (after sleeping in!) and spent all Sunday night and most of Monday on the couch, half-asleep in a bronchitis-induced stupor. Yesterday the only things I really accomplished were cooking the week's meals, going for a walk, and having a shower!
Today I've gotten some important things done, and hope to do more this evening. But I at least have enough wisdom now to stop and rest when I start shaking or feeling like hell. The harder I push at those low-energy moments, the longer I'm going to feel awful.
I kind of wish I'd stayed home today too, but I need the $$, and this job is not physically taxing, and sitting quietly in class and taking notes shouldn't kill me either. (...shouldn't...) Thankfully, all my work can be done on the sofa with my laptop, and at the most, with a few extra books lying around me. PLUS I have enough prepped food to last me all week, so that's one big stress-er off my back.
I keep telling myself it's smart to do the slowly-but-surely thing now. Let my body relax. I have to go to Houston on Friday and that'll be tiring, and I work all Saturday, but at least work is not physically taxing like I said earlier. And this Sunday I am going to lie on that couch like I'm a Victorian woman with smelling salts clutched in her feeble hand.
Because I bloody well can!
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